Chinese & Turks / 汉人与突厥人

The recent Xinjiang riot makes people curious about Uyghur Turks. Who are they? Where are they from? Are they related to our Hans?
Yesterday, I happened to meet a Turkish man on the net. He's a University student majored in Sea Harbour Management. I learned something from him. Previously I heard Uyghur's language is very close to Turkish. Without learning, they can understand each other. So, I'd like to verify that. Here is the conversation between us:
"How to say 'good' in Turkish?"
"iyi."
"Not Yaksi?"
"No."
"Strange, I heard one group of people in Xinjiang, they claim their language is very close to yours. It's just like a dialect of Turkish. They say yaksi which means good."
"Yahsi right? Azerbaijan Turks and Uyghur Turks use this word. It means beautiful."
"Can you understand their language?"
"Some vocabularies are the same. Some are similar. Some we can figure out"
According to him, the purpose of Chinese building the Great Wall was to defend the Turks. He also said the Turks are the descendants of Ottoman, and Ottoman is the descendant of Ghengis Khan. He told me Ghengis Khan is also a Turk, which is a wrong concept. In fact, both Turkic language and Mongolic language belong to the Altaic language group. So there might be some similarities. Actually, Ghengis Khan is not at all a Turk, he is a Mongol who killed multi-millions of Chinese and Turks. I don't know why Turks are still worshipping him. Maybe it's because he's good at fighting? Talk about the Great Wall, I never thought it was useful. It was indeed used for defending ethnic groups including Turks. Suddenly I felt Qin Shi Huang did a wonderful thing. He protected Chinese so well. The guy did mention that the Wall consumed lots of their energy, so they decided to go to the west instead. But on the other hand, is that a way to solve the racial conflict simply by letting them in? So that Chinese and Turks would mingle together and alter their natural characteristics? Chinese will have sharper features like: bigger eyes, straight noses, taller and stronger; meanwhile Turks will become much smoother in both physical look and temper? No one knows. But one thing is for sure -- in the end, the whole world will have only one race, because that's where we all came from, the same ancestor. We will go back to that state in the end.
However, currently we are different. Not only the look, but also the character. History played a very important role. Our Chinese are basically farmers. As a farmer, you must be patient. From ploughing, sowing, until harvesting, it will take about a year. Chinese have a habit of living close to each other, learning to be tolerant, mild, gentle, humble (they experience dealing with their neighbours), also more patient as previously explained, shy and introverted; on the other hand, Turks are nomadic people. As a result, they are more hot blooded, short tempered and hospitable in comparison to the Chinese. Chinese are more civil, and 'seem' to be friendly. As I mentioned just now, Chinese are living in a big community, always surrounded by many different people; but Turks hardly mix with outsiders, keeping within their own family circle. You can easily find a Turkish man approaching a girl by saying “Hey, sweetheart, you look so beautiful. I'm attracted by you." This seldom happened among Chinese men as they are more reserved. The reason for this is simple. If that Turkish man doesn't make it quick, when will the next time be? Will he ever see the girl again? Maybe next festival celebration? Maybe several years later? Or perhaps even in the next life? Or only in his dreams! It doesn't mean that Chinese men are shallow and superficial, or that Turkish men are more flirtatious. Their individual history and environment have made it so. We have to understand each other. We must try.

最近的新疆种族冲突引起了世人对维吾尔人的好奇，他们是谁？他们从哪里来？他们与汉人的关系是怎样的？刚巧，昨天我在网上遇到了一个土耳其人，他是一名正在学习海港管理学的大学生，历史爱好者。顺便提一句，本人也是历史与文化的痴迷者。我从他那里学到了一些东西。以前我曾听说维语与土耳其语很像，即使不学也能互相听得懂，带着这个问题，我们开始了我们的对话，一下使我们谈话的内容：
“好这个字在土耳其语里怎么说？”
“iyi。”
“咦？ 不是yaksi？”
“不是。”
“这是怎么回事？我听说在新疆有个民族，他们自称他们的语言跟土语很像，就像是土语的一个方言，他们把好叫做yaksi。”
“是yahsi吧？阿塞拜疆人跟维吾尔人用这个字，是美丽的意思。”
“你能听得懂他们的话吗？”
“有些词汇一样，有些类似，还有一些我们能猜出来。”
据他所说，汉人修建长城就是为了抵御突厥人，他也说他们突厥人是Ottoman的后代，而Ottoman又是成吉思汗的后代，他说成吉思汗也是突厥人。这一点他错了，成吉思汗不是突厥人，而是蒙古人。他以为蒙古人也是突厥人的一部分，其实不然，只是从语言学上来讲，突厥语和蒙古语同属阿尔泰语系，它们之间有着相似点，而成吉思汗这个老家伙可是杀死上亿汉人和突厥人的刽子手噢。 真不知为什么到今天这些突厥人反倒崇拜其他来了。就因为他能征善战么？说道长城，我从来就没觉得这矮矮的墙真的有什么作用，他这么一说，令我忽然觉得秦始皇似乎作了一件大好事，要不是他也许汉人早就不知被人欺负成什么样了，那位土耳其朋友确实提到那城墙消耗了他们太多能量，最后他们放弃了东进的念头，而转而往西。可转念一想，要是没那墙，就让突厥人进来的话也不赖呀，也许现在这两个民族早已合二为一了，那也就没有今天这些麻烦了。而且汉人也可以有着一双更大的眼睛跟高高的鼻子，更加高大与强壮。而突厥人也可以长得更加柔和，这岂不是更妙？只是突厥人身上。。。怎么说来着？那个乾隆皇帝的宠妃。。。身有“异香”，这令我们汉人不大习惯，不过话又说回来了，如果人人都有“异香”的话也就没所谓了。从来没见哪个突厥美眉抱怨一个突厥哥哥说：“Darling, you smell bad。”所以说喽，这问题不大，说到底，最后这世界还是要统一，大势所趋，谁也阻挡不了，因为我们来自同一个祖先，最后还要回去。

而现在我们有着很大的不同，不仅在外表上，性格上也是。总的来讲，汉人以农耕为主，喜聚居，这就决定了汉人温和，有耐心，谦虚，这是因为从耕种到收割差不多要一年的时间，这其间还有很多事要做，像除草啦，浇水啦等等，不耐心行吗？而且要与邻居们相处必须要考虑到他人的感受，所以我们谦虚，温和且内向；而突厥人是游牧民族，以家庭为单位，很难见到其他的人，这就决定了他们脾气暴躁，热情好客，你想啊，几年也见不到一个人，好容易见到了，当然热情了，好酒好菜都往外端，临走时还依依不舍，谁知到哪辈子才能见到另外一个呀？经常会见到一个突厥哥哥对刚见面的突厥美眉说：“你好漂亮，我好喜欢你。”并且动手动脚的，这场面在汉人中很难见到。原因也不奇怪，如果这位突厥哥哥不行动迅速的话，不知下次再见这位美眉是何时了？下次的那达慕大会？几年之后？下辈子？亦或只能在梦中相依偎？综上所述，并不是汉人哥哥虚伪，也非突厥哥哥轻浮，历史与环境使然。理解万岁！

大槐树移民

小时候，就听父亲提起过我们是来自山西的大槐树移民。父亲说他的祖父只读过4年的私塾，从未进过洋学堂，更没学过中国地理，平生只去过一次满洲，就再也没有离开过故土山东，但他却总是提起山西洪桐县，他说祖先是那里来的，由于燕王扫北我们才从陕西迁至山东，当时没有什么人把他的话当真，直到我们在网上看到中国历史上的几次大迁徙，其中也包括我们大槐树移民。据说是在元朝倒台后，明朝接管，由于元的暴政，山东，河北一带的汉人几乎被杀尽了，政府想把山西一带的汉人迁往那里去填补空缺。然而对当时的农耕民族汉人来讲，地和房屋是他们一切，对他们来说抛弃一切背井离乡，对他们来讲是极为残酷的。所以政府想了个对策，对他们宣布，不想去的人到大槐树下集合，结果当然是一到那里，就被绑了起来，强迫上路了，这也就是大槐树移民的来历。我们的祖先也真实在，也不加以分析就被骗了，可怜啊可怜！从此以后，北方的男性把上厕所叫做解手，原因是我前面提起过我们的祖先是被绑上路的嘛，上厕所时要先报告“大人，请把我的手解开，我要上厕所。”可是一路上要忍受劳累，饥饿，口渴，到最后就简化成了解手。听了祖先的遭遇，真叫人好难过，感觉我们汉人受了好多罪，能到今天还真是不容易啊！希望能遇到其他的大槐树移民聊聊。

对了，听说大槐树移民是纯正的汉人，有以下三个特征：

1）门牙为板形。

2）出生时屁股上有块青斑，此斑会在大约一年后消失。

3）小脚趾的指甲是两半儿的，一片大，一片小。

本人此三条特征均有。

世上最牛的骗子 / The most successful swindler in the history

这世上最牛的骗子当属徐福了。这位说了，“是哪位徐福啊？”对了，就是那位为秦始皇寻找长生不老药的。这位忍不住又说了，他不是中日友好的鼻祖，至今仍被两国人民所称颂吗？怎么忽然又成了骗子了？诶，这就是他的高明之处了。您且听我慢慢道来。
话说在两千多年以前，秦始皇在位，他杀人如麻，于是属下的群臣们每天都是战战兢兢的讨生活。于是大家都在想办法如何使自己的地位能够得到改善，有的采取拍马溜须，想尽办法讨好秦始皇；有的索性看到自己已没什么前途了，便另辟蹊径，下海经商去了。
徐福既没有走红道（做官），也没有走黄道（下海），而是走了另一条介乎于绿与黑之间的一条道。他听说相邻的岛国春天到处樱花开放，秋天红叶漫坡，温泉美食外加花姑娘大大的有，不禁心花怒放，心想我不如到那儿去做个土皇上，岂不是快乐赛神仙？可是此去山高水远，盘缠成了个大问题，总不能一路要饭去吧，更何况不止他一人，还有他的大队家丁呢，人吃马喂，可是一大笔开销啊！有道是天无绝人之路，一天，他的一个属下向他献了一条妙计。“咱们秦老爷子这么有钱，干嘛不跟那儿支点儿？”徐恍然大悟。于是趁一次上朝的机会向皇上上交了历史上有名的‘长生不老药’的提案，愚蠢的皇上不知自己被忽悠了，反而龙心大悦，拨款无数，令其快快出行。徐听闻，偷偷擦了擦冷汗，揣其巨款，赶快逃之乎也。
一路上，徐一行人吃的是鲍鱼鱼翅，住的是六星级酒店，享尽了荣华富贵之能事，结果呢，刚走到洛阳，钱就都花光了。没办法，只得在洛阳暂时住下。这一住，就是六年。
话说秦始皇，左等右等都等不到徐福的来信，更不见什么仙丹，不禁越来越气，“哼，等哪天叫我看到你非宰了你不可。”他恨恨地想。真是不是冤家不聚头，六年后，当秦始皇去洛阳视察时，你猜怎么着？正跟徐福撞了个正着。徐吓了一跳，不过他到底是指老鸟，很快就镇静下来了。不等秦开口，他便说道：“皇上，臣等为了皇上能够长生不老，不辞辛苦，日夜兼程，终于找到了仙丹，可是被一条大鱼挡住了去路，无奈返回，望皇上能派数百名优秀的弓箭手，一起向大鱼射去，这样我便能拿到仙丹。”秦听罢，便拨了更大的一笔款项，加上弓箭手一并给了徐，命他速去速回。
徐拿到钱后，知道下次再也不可能这么幸运了，速速逃往了樱花国，凭着银子的疏通，很快便拿到了绿卡，娶了几个樱花妹，心情好的时候到处做做报告，进账无数，当地媒体称其为‘新技术的引入者’，而事实上他只是把开会时听得一知半解的技术人员的汇报随便胡诹几句罢了。
听到这里，想来你已经明白为什么他是千古奇骗了吧。骗子多的是，但多数很快就落入了法网。在众多的骗子中，Madoff算是很成功的一个，他以他的Ponzi Scheme 把全世界包括美联储在内忽悠了二十多年，不幸中招，招来150年的牢狱之灾。而徐大侠不但忽悠了包括皇帝在内的两个国家的所有人，其骗局至今未被戳穿，在他登陆的地方日本政府特意为他建立了公园和博物馆，以表彰他为中日两国友好往来所作出的‘贡献’，两岸三地的游客见到徐的雕像更是有如见到亲人一般。牛吧？

The most successful swindler in the history is Xu Fu. One may ask, "Which Xu fu?" Well, the one who sought longevity in a potion. We may ask again, "Eh? Isn't he the icon of Sino-Japanese friendship? Even today he is highly praised by people from both countries? How come you classify him as a swindler?" That's why I said he's the most successful. Let me elaborate in more detail and you will understand.
Our story goes back to 2000 year ago, when Qin Shi Huang was in power. He was one of the most cruel emperors in Chinese history, who killed people as if killing ants. His subordinates lived in fear everyday in their lives. They were forced into finding means to survive. Some flattered him to make him happy; some saw they had no future with his court, so they chose to leave and started their own business.
Xu fu had no luck in the court, nor did he have the luck with the commercial business. As a result, he decided to migrate. He had heard that the neighbouring island country was famours for its cherry blossom in the spring and amazing maple leaves in the autumn; besides, it had lots of onsen and charming girls. He couldn't help thinking, "why not become a ruler there? I can enjoy my life to the fullest." But it was so far away and would cost him a fortune to achieve as it could not be done alone. Where there's a will, there's a way. One day, a plan suddenly inspired him, "Our emperor is so rich. Why not 'borrow' some money from him?" He proposed this 'longevity pill' during one regular meeting with the Emperor. The poor stupid Emperor did not realised he was conned. Instead, he was so happy with this absurd idea, unwittingly handing over a huge amount of money, and told him to get this pill as soon as possible. Having heard the Emperor's decree, Xu wiped his sweat, put the money in his pocket and left the capital quickly.
On the journey, Xu and his people enjoyed their lives as if they were in the paradise. They stayed in 5-star hotels eating abalone and shark fin soup for each meal. They had spent all of their money by the time they reached Luo Yang. Now there was no choice, they had to stay here. Time flies, 6 years had already passed without being caught.
Back home, Qin Shi Huang was extremely angry. He waited and waited. There were no letters from Xu, let alone longevity pills. "One day I must kill you." He thought angrily. It was such a coincidence that he met Xu Fu when he was on one of his regular official trips to Luo Yang. Xu was so scared. As a cunning and experienced fellow, he quickly regained his calm. Before he was questioned, he said humbly to the Emperor," Your Majesty, we walked day and night in order to get this magic pill for your longevity. But there was a giant fish stopped us from getting it. So we came back for reinforcement. Kindly let me have at least 100 archers so that we can shoot that fish to death." After listening to his sincere talk, Qin Shi Huang's anger was quenched. He gave an even larger amount of money and 100 excellent archers. Again he told him to come back with the pill as soon as possible.
After taking the money, Xu realised that the luck would not be always on his side. So he quickly ran to the land of the cherry flower. His Permanent Resident status arranged with bribery, he then married a few cherry girls, gave speeches when in the mood and the local media would address him as the "new technology introducer". Only he knew himself that he was totally illiterate in technology. He just fabricated information from bits and pieces during the regular meetings, loose ends tied together when he was not dozing.
Now you understand why I classified him as being the most successful swindler in the history, right? There are many swindlers in the world, but most of them were caught. Among those, Madoff was considered quite successful. He bluffed the whole world including IMF, and so on for more than 20 years. He was caught recently and sentenced to 150 years in the prison. But look at our master Xu, he bluffed people from both countries even including the Emperor for more than 2000 years. Even until today, nobody realises that except me. The Japanese Government even built a park and museum to commemorate his contributions to the Sino-Japanese friendships. It is a must-go place for People from China, Hong Kong and Taiwan when they visited Japan. Tears flowed out when they saw his statue. Got the point? wink...