世上最牛的骗子 / The most successful swindler in the history

这世上最牛的骗子当属徐福了。这位说了，“是哪位徐福啊？”对了，就是那位为秦始皇寻找长生不老药的。这位忍不住又说了，他不是中日友好的鼻祖，至今仍被两国人民所称颂吗？怎么忽然又成了骗子了？诶，这就是他的高明之处了。您且听我慢慢道来。
话说在两千多年以前，秦始皇在位，他杀人如麻，于是属下的群臣们每天都是战战兢兢的讨生活。于是大家都在想办法如何使自己的地位能够得到改善，有的采取拍马溜须，想尽办法讨好秦始皇；有的索性看到自己已没什么前途了，便另辟蹊径，下海经商去了。
徐福既没有走红道（做官），也没有走黄道（下海），而是走了另一条介乎于绿与黑之间的一条道。他听说相邻的岛国春天到处樱花开放，秋天红叶漫坡，温泉美食外加花姑娘大大的有，不禁心花怒放，心想我不如到那儿去做个土皇上，岂不是快乐赛神仙？可是此去山高水远，盘缠成了个大问题，总不能一路要饭去吧，更何况不止他一人，还有他的大队家丁呢，人吃马喂，可是一大笔开销啊！有道是天无绝人之路，一天，他的一个属下向他献了一条妙计。“咱们秦老爷子这么有钱，干嘛不跟那儿支点儿？”徐恍然大悟。于是趁一次上朝的机会向皇上上交了历史上有名的‘长生不老药’的提案，愚蠢的皇上不知自己被忽悠了，反而龙心大悦，拨款无数，令其快快出行。徐听闻，偷偷擦了擦冷汗，揣其巨款，赶快逃之乎也。
一路上，徐一行人吃的是鲍鱼鱼翅，住的是六星级酒店，享尽了荣华富贵之能事，结果呢，刚走到洛阳，钱就都花光了。没办法，只得在洛阳暂时住下。这一住，就是六年。
话说秦始皇，左等右等都等不到徐福的来信，更不见什么仙丹，不禁越来越气，“哼，等哪天叫我看到你非宰了你不可。”他恨恨地想。真是不是冤家不聚头，六年后，当秦始皇去洛阳视察时，你猜怎么着？正跟徐福撞了个正着。徐吓了一跳，不过他到底是指老鸟，很快就镇静下来了。不等秦开口，他便说道：“皇上，臣等为了皇上能够长生不老，不辞辛苦，日夜兼程，终于找到了仙丹，可是被一条大鱼挡住了去路，无奈返回，望皇上能派数百名优秀的弓箭手，一起向大鱼射去，这样我便能拿到仙丹。”秦听罢，便拨了更大的一笔款项，加上弓箭手一并给了徐，命他速去速回。
徐拿到钱后，知道下次再也不可能这么幸运了，速速逃往了樱花国，凭着银子的疏通，很快便拿到了绿卡，娶了几个樱花妹，心情好的时候到处做做报告，进账无数，当地媒体称其为‘新技术的引入者’，而事实上他只是把开会时听得一知半解的技术人员的汇报随便胡诹几句罢了。
听到这里，想来你已经明白为什么他是千古奇骗了吧。骗子多的是，但多数很快就落入了法网。在众多的骗子中，Madoff算是很成功的一个，他以他的Ponzi Scheme 把全世界包括美联储在内忽悠了二十多年，不幸中招，招来150年的牢狱之灾。而徐大侠不但忽悠了包括皇帝在内的两个国家的所有人，其骗局至今未被戳穿，在他登陆的地方日本政府特意为他建立了公园和博物馆，以表彰他为中日两国友好往来所作出的‘贡献’，两岸三地的游客见到徐的雕像更是有如见到亲人一般。牛吧？

The most successful swindler in the history is Xu Fu. One may ask, "Which Xu fu?" Well, the one who sought longevity in a potion. We may ask again, "Eh? Isn't he the icon of Sino-Japanese friendship? Even today he is highly praised by people from both countries? How come you classify him as a swindler?" That's why I said he's the most successful. Let me elaborate in more detail and you will understand.
Our story goes back to 2000 year ago, when Qin Shi Huang was in power. He was one of the most cruel emperors in Chinese history, who killed people as if killing ants. His subordinates lived in fear everyday in their lives. They were forced into finding means to survive. Some flattered him to make him happy; some saw they had no future with his court, so they chose to leave and started their own business.
Xu fu had no luck in the court, nor did he have the luck with the commercial business. As a result, he decided to migrate. He had heard that the neighbouring island country was famours for its cherry blossom in the spring and amazing maple leaves in the autumn; besides, it had lots of onsen and charming girls. He couldn't help thinking, "why not become a ruler there? I can enjoy my life to the fullest." But it was so far away and would cost him a fortune to achieve as it could not be done alone. Where there's a will, there's a way. One day, a plan suddenly inspired him, "Our emperor is so rich. Why not 'borrow' some money from him?" He proposed this 'longevity pill' during one regular meeting with the Emperor. The poor stupid Emperor did not realised he was conned. Instead, he was so happy with this absurd idea, unwittingly handing over a huge amount of money, and told him to get this pill as soon as possible. Having heard the Emperor's decree, Xu wiped his sweat, put the money in his pocket and left the capital quickly.
On the journey, Xu and his people enjoyed their lives as if they were in the paradise. They stayed in 5-star hotels eating abalone and shark fin soup for each meal. They had spent all of their money by the time they reached Luo Yang. Now there was no choice, they had to stay here. Time flies, 6 years had already passed without being caught.
Back home, Qin Shi Huang was extremely angry. He waited and waited. There were no letters from Xu, let alone longevity pills. "One day I must kill you." He thought angrily. It was such a coincidence that he met Xu Fu when he was on one of his regular official trips to Luo Yang. Xu was so scared. As a cunning and experienced fellow, he quickly regained his calm. Before he was questioned, he said humbly to the Emperor," Your Majesty, we walked day and night in order to get this magic pill for your longevity. But there was a giant fish stopped us from getting it. So we came back for reinforcement. Kindly let me have at least 100 archers so that we can shoot that fish to death." After listening to his sincere talk, Qin Shi Huang's anger was quenched. He gave an even larger amount of money and 100 excellent archers. Again he told him to come back with the pill as soon as possible.
After taking the money, Xu realised that the luck would not be always on his side. So he quickly ran to the land of the cherry flower. His Permanent Resident status arranged with bribery, he then married a few cherry girls, gave speeches when in the mood and the local media would address him as the "new technology introducer". Only he knew himself that he was totally illiterate in technology. He just fabricated information from bits and pieces during the regular meetings, loose ends tied together when he was not dozing.
Now you understand why I classified him as being the most successful swindler in the history, right? There are many swindlers in the world, but most of them were caught. Among those, Madoff was considered quite successful. He bluffed the whole world including IMF, and so on for more than 20 years. He was caught recently and sentenced to 150 years in the prison. But look at our master Xu, he bluffed people from both countries even including the Emperor for more than 2000 years. Even until today, nobody realises that except me. The Japanese Government even built a park and museum to commemorate his contributions to the Sino-Japanese friendships. It is a must-go place for People from China, Hong Kong and Taiwan when they visited Japan. Tears flowed out when they saw his statue. Got the point? wink...